This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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