I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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