Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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