i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
