If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
