margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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