well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize