you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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