Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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