kristin has been a bad kristin
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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