i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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