Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
