Will you blow on my dice?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
