Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize