I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
