i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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