It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
