He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
