Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize