Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
