I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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