chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
