It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
