I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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