is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
