I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
