I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Randomize
