I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
