halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
