fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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