he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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