Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
