it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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