I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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