3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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