I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
