Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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