Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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