When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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