Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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