I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
