do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
