I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
