I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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