Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
