Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
