It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
