im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
