in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
