Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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