Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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