okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
