Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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