So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this just has baby written all over it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
