We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
