You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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