oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
