do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
