my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
