With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
