yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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