We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize