I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
