Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you win again, gameday.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
