and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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