While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
