I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
