i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i was born a porn star she said
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
