Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
