$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
