Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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