Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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