She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
