Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
