How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
