i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
